If I could say it as well as Jason...

Okay. i'm freaking sick of trying to fix the crappin format on this thing. so just deal with the huge long paragraph that was originally like 5 separate paragraphs and the double spaced poem that's only two stanzas and the other dumb things this post has to offer. I'd be one heck of an optimist. And by Jason, I mean Jason Mraz. Check out his blog. it's pure inspiration with a squeeze of funny. If i were as chill and mellow and rad as JM, i'd probably be a hippie. totally high on life. But life takes blows to my gut and, even though i end up throwing up at 5:30 in the morning and sleeping on the couch till my mom comes in assuming i'm my sister who coincidentally was puking a couple days ago and then realizing it's me and not really saying anything after than, i'll take them. And even when I feel shut off, i'll keep pressing on. I took this picture for the 365 blog... i haven't done that in forever because i've not had time or a camera to do it with... eh. plus my format was crapping out and the only way to fix it was with a picture. I'm freaking lucky to know music. Well... maybe not lucky... but i'm stinkin glad i do. I'm not real great, but i'm practicing. Lately, i've been playing improvisational piano. I love it! It's so calming and relaxing and it makes me feel good. If i was half as good of an improv pianist as John Krammer, i'd be amazing. but i'm only like 1/16 of his greatness. And i'm okay with that. And the uke is a wonderfully calming instrument as well. It's so relaxing just to strum some chords and throw in some rhythm and have pure bliss. If only the sun were shining... then i could go outside and sit on my lawn chair and play the ukulele while (essentially) photosynthesizing the sun's rays. that sounds like the life. But no. It's snowing. And it's april. And it's still spring break. Why? My last spring break at home and i'm caught in a blizzard. whatever... I have a plan for this weekend. I think we're getting new gutters and soughets tomorrow (or something like that...) so i think my dad is staying home... But sometime in the day, i'm planning on slipping out and job-searching. I have a list of 12 places so far. hopefully the 7 no's to my 1 yes will apply here... then i'll at least get one yes. plus i've applied to 3 other places already (not on my list for this weekend). If I can't get to all the places or think of more, i'll go again on Saturday. Today, i half wished i was still in Mt. Pleasant and half was glad i was home. I'm sad i wasn't gone because i'm being sat upon by a nag (if you get that weird drift...) and half glad because i wouldn't want to throw up or be sick in Mt. Pleasant at all. eh. I wrote a poem. It's not very good... it's a free verse. but it was how i was feeling earlier. I just had to get it out. it's this:

a doll once played with

could have the same joy

as one that sits on the

shelf of memories now repressed

or only forgotten

She was enjoyed until She had a flaw

and then was tossed aside

to collect dust

This doll was once beautiful.

she used to have sparkling blue eyes

her skin the perfect porcelain

She fell upon the floor

too many times to count

If she had tears, there would be none

left for her to cry out.

Now she sits upon the shelf

collecting dust

I don't know if you can copyright things without like legal mumbo-jumbo, but this is officially copyrighted. because i like it. I had originally wrote something else, but then i decided to chang the whole thing, basically. this is better, trust me. -Ellen. p.s. sorry about the double posting... i didn't realize until after i'd written most of this that i'd just posted yesterday. or technically two days ago considering it's midnight... oops... hah.