I think i'm Ready.

For graduation.
For college.
For moving out.
For meeting new people.
For fending for myself.

I can do this.
Remember like 2 months ago? Or maybe it was last month... anyway... How I really did not want to move out? How incredibly nervous I was for graduating and growing up and doing things on my own?
Those baby-steps have turned into sprinter's leaps (if that's a thing?...) so fast that I'm almost incapable of comprehending it. I jumped from fearful to anxious in a matter of minutes, it seems. Did I really have to talk myself into thinking I am capable of handling myself on my own? Looking back, probably not. I can do laundry and cook and I keep my spaces more clean than some people I know and I don't bother a whole lot and I'm not a jerk and I'm sure my 20-some year old roomates won't find me a noob who can't find her way without mommy. My mother taught me well and I am truly grateful.
Does this post mean I got a job? no. Still no. I've gained confidence, not responsibility, sorry to say. "You're not responsible enough for your future." I'll get there. One baby-step-sprinter's-leap at a time.
As I plugged in my earbuds to listen to my Beatles playlist (124 songs) and write my essay for English, I could hear mom reassuring sister that soon she can yell all she wants and do whatever (basically, i was trying not to pay too much attention so as to not let myself cry). But does she realize she'll have to do 100% of the chores? Not the half that she does now, but the whole shibang. And there will be no Ellen to just do nice things like I try to do (i.e. organizing her bathroom because it drives me insane, doing her half of the dishwasher just out of the kindness of my heart, taking her and her friends places, listening to her vent). She'll have to fend for herself almost as much as I will. Except financially. And as great as she is at making money, I am probably better at saving it and/or spending it wisely.

In all honesty, hate thinking about it because it does weird things to me and my tearducts, but i think i'm ready to do this. Whatever "this" may be.