I've only known myself to not cry. I don't usually cry at weddings or funerals or babies or cute things or sad movies. of course i have only up-close experienced a few of these things, but still. The other night at a bridal shower my HS friends threw for me, my little sister said "I've only known Ellen to cry like 3 times." Double that, and that's how often Sean has.
My question is WHY. Why do i cry so much around Sean? my thought is that i love his so much that i just trust him with my loving and frustrated tears. I guess i just unconsciously figured out that i'm going to probably go through my most difficult trials with him and that he should get used to it and learn how to comfort me now while it still matters little.
Anyway, why i bring this up is because i haven't been feeling very well this weekend. Last night, i was feeling particularly icky. So after a 'fun-filled' trip to puke-town, Sean was giving me a really good hug trying to calm my nerves. As he was hugging me i asked him to say a prayer. i explained to him that i was crazy, he chuckled and said a fantastic prayer. of course, like 3 words in i start sobbing. And i mean really gross, wet, slobbery sobbing. He laughs and comforts me.
I am super grateful for Sean. He is the most incredible guy for me. He really knows how to take care of me and comfort me and entertain me. Also, i get to marry him in 31 days. exactly 1 month from tomorrow. holy. crap. I am SO excited. WOO.
Alright, i'm going to go get ready for class and work and hopefully i can feel better soon and handle both.
okay, laters
love, Ellen
i'm not one to cry. in fact, i tend to avoid all the movies ever that are known to make people cry. i don't remember crying at my grandma's funeral because i knew she was at peace and could rejoin her family and be perfect again. i don't cry at puppies or babies or death. i just don't cry. i do cry at spiritual whatnots, but that's different. probably.
but i did. and it was weird. but i loved it anyway.
i don't know what provoked my generally dry eyes to well up and just be so incredibly happy that they cried tears of joy. but i couldn't help it. Sean just makes me so incredibly happy that there just aren't words for it. i don't know if the dictionary is that advanced. the only word i can really think of is
yeah, it's a drug too, but that doesn't matter. i just can't really explain it, but i'm a million billion trillion google-plex happy. i don't want to do anything but be with Sean and, when i can't, i just want to stare at the ceiling and listen to the mix cd he gave me and think about him. or write cliche poetry about it.
and, you see, that's a problem seeing as i also have work, school, and homework that i have to do. it's kind of hard to focus when there's this most amazing being standing right in my way.
i'm honestly trying not to make this super gushy, but true. I just can't help it, i guess. Sean is my best friend. We can talk forever and never get bored and we can go anywhere and do anything and just have tons of fun. We can sit in the deoderant and stare at them for a while and just laugh so hard.
and every time he says a swear, i think i like him even more. which might be weird, seeing as i don't swear all that often. but it just happens.
anyway, i've got to go to bed. i just wanted to let the world know how "freakin' happy" i am (that's a little yo gabba gabba inside joke. soory. 1667%)
love, Ellen
p.s. here's a sample of what i've been listening to lately. enjoy!
